I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
