If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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