she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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