and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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