Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
