So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
