Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
