Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
