I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
