he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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