what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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