I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
