WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
