Your dad touched me again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
