He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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