I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she told me i tasted like america
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
