he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.