I just saw a hot homeless man
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...