Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.