I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.