the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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