you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂