It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
