maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
