dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
