He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
