i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
