I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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