worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
