we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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