There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
