He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
