today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All the doctor said was why
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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