I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
