Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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