saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
