I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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