My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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