It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I deserve this hangover.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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