I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize