it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize