Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize