Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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