my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
