Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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