none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
