at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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