I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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