it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My dick has a subreddit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
