she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He has the fingertips of a God
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