How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
