she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So apparently I’m into choking now
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