party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
