Your face is a jimmy john
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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