you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
