you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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