he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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