fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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