Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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