We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
