I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
