She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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