In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
