i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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