I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
