The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
